Selfish or Self-Care?

It's February, the month of love.  Of course our thoughts turn to our most precious of relationships: our spouse, our children, our parents.  But often we forget the most important relationship of all; the relationship with ourselves.

Just as our relationships with others take great care to remain strong, so do we need to show our own selves that same kind of care and compassion.  While you might expect me to suggest taking a long soak in the tub, which I must say is never a bad idea; the problem goes much deeper than that.

As women we are the nurturers, often putting the needs of others above our own.  We tend to make family and work matters our highest priority, thinking that makes us a better mother, wife, sister, employee, and friend.  The problem is that the longer we go without addressing our own needs, the more depleted we become.  Our dreams fade, our goals wither and our passions slowly dry up.  As you can imagine, this has a negative impact on us emotionally.  Often overlooked however, is the effect this behavior has on us physically, as research reveals more about the connection between belief, emotion, and disease.

What we as women need to understand is that there is a difference between "self-ish" and "self-care".  We have this one life to live and a purpose to fulfill.  By not pursuing our passions and dreams we are doing the world, those we love, and most of all ourselves, a great disservice.  That is "selfish".

By treating ourselves with respect, listening to the cues of our body, placing importance on our own dreams, and carrying out our divine assignment for our life, we are empowering ourselves at the deepest of levels.  That is "self-care".

Below are seven tips (an entire week's worth) for incorporating a little more self-care into your life this month.  Try one a day for seven days straight, and experience the difference a little self-love can make:

#1 - Know your limits.  One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to say "no".  Stretching yourself too thin and dividing your attention among multiple different tasks is not only doing a disservice to you, but negatively affects everyone close to you.  If everything is important, then nothing is important.

#2 - Live your passions.  Our passions are what make us feel alive.  If we're not devoting time and attention to those things that ignite and inspire us, our lives become dull and dreary.  Spending some time each day, even 10 minutes, on our passions or working towards an important personal goal makes us fulfilled.

#3 - Spend time alone.  How much time do you allow to just let your mind wander?  Probably not enough.  Spending time alone gives us the opportunity to let our imagination take new heights.  From what we want to do tomorrow, to what we want to do in 20 years, most of these realizations will occur when we allow ourselves time to get lost in thought.

#4 - Maintain healthy relationships.  Limit the time you spend with people who exhaust you (I think you know who we mean).  Increase the quantity and quality of the time you spend with the people who make you feel great; the ones who inspire and replenish you.  Build a supportive and positive network of confidants by starting your own Soulspring group or joining one today!

#5 - Live your values.  If we're not careful it doesn't take long before or own values are pushed to the side and suddenly, without realizing it, we begin to live our lives in alignment with the values of others.  This causes stress and we innately know something is amiss.  Make sure your own values are clear, practice them in your daily life, and consider them in your every decision.

#6 - Write in a journal.  Expressing yourself in written form can open up much clarity for us.  Take the time to write daily.  If you find it difficult to get started, use Soul Searching Questions (many can be found within this blog and we incorporate them into each issue of our Soulspiration monthly newsletter), to get you started!  Before you know it, the words with easily begin to flow.

#7 - Eat right.  What we put into our mouths is the foundation of our physical and spiritual selves.  Take care of yourself like the jewel you are; eat more fruits and vegetables and less fat, sugar, processed foods, and caffeine.

While you're showering affection on those you love this month, don't forget to give yourself a healthy dose of love.  You're definitely worth it and it is only then that you will have the energy, enthusiasm, and power you need to be and give all you can for yourself and others.

The Soul Sisters

Soulspiration of the Week:"The greatest love of all, is easy to achieve.  Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all." ~The Greatest Love of All (Performed by Whitney Houston, and in her memory)

The Happiness Secret You’ve Been Longing For

Have you ever wanted to understand the secret to living a truly happy, empowered, and high-quality life?  Well today we reveal the secret...

The Secret: Happiness and empowerment are not always achieved by doing more; happiness is sometimes more about what you remove from life than what you add to it.  

How can this be?  Wouldn’t it stand to reason that a full life (doing, accomplishing, and getting stuff done) would also be a fulfilling one?  Well, not always.

Doing what you feel truly passionate about and eliminating what you do out of perceived obligation or guilt, is the key to living your best life.  It's by recognizing where you can get the most reward from your efforts, and how you and those most important to you benefit, do you allow yourself permission to give your time and attention to those areas.

So how can you make sure you’re giving your time to the right stuff?  Try this simple exercise:

Pull out your to-do list (if it’s currently in your head, get your to-dos down on paper for the purposes of this exercise). For each item on the list ask yourself the following questions:

Why is this task important?
Why is this task MY responsibility (in other words, why are YOU doing this task)?
Where does this task fit within MY priorities?
What is the worst thing that would happen if the task does not get done?

For example, if one of the items on your task list is to clean the cat’s litter box, the importance of the task would depend on how important your cat is to your life.  If the cat is your daughter’s, you may be coming to the realization that your daughter might be the better candidate for the job, and that the cleanliness of the cat box isn’t a high priority task for you at all.  You’re realizing you assumed the position of litter box cleaner several years ago, when the cat was given to your daughter as a kitten.  She was too young to care for the cat at the time, but now is quite capable.  Passing on the honor to your daughter is sounding pretty good right now, however the little voice inside argues that it’s easier for you to clean the litter box and takes less time and effort than the nagging that would be required to get your daughter to do it.

Well, that may be the case initially, however it’s now clear that you’re doing the task out of obligation, denying your daughter this important lesson in responsibility, and feeling very under-appreciated in the process; clearly not a recipe for happiness or empowerment for either of you.

While the above example may seem trivial, believe me, we’ve heard sillier reasons why there’s no time to work toward an important dream or goal.  And since when is cleaning the litter box more important than your life purpose?

It’s time to challenge your obligations and priorities.  While we’re not advocating that you dump all the dirty and menial chores on the spouse and kids, we are challenging you to question where and what gets your time and attention.  What you may discover is that you’ve been giving top status to things that are unimportant and not your priority at all.  Delegate, dump, divide or work out some deal, so  you can have time for what’s really important to you.

The Soul Sisters

Soulspiration of the Week:
“A simple life is not seeing how little we can get by with—that’s poverty—but how efficiently we can put first things first. . . . When you’re clear about your purpose and your priorities, you can painlessly discard whatever does not support these, whether it’s clutter in your cabinets or commitments on your calendar.” ~Victoria Moran

Are You Ready for Christmas?

It’s been a very consistent theme this week. Everyone you meet seems to greet you with a friendly hello quickly followed by the million dollar question, “So, are you all ready for the Christmas?” I’ve been asked that question nearly a dozen times over the past several days; I was always quick to respond with, “No, I‘m not!” And that would send me into an immediate mental review of my “What I have to do before Christmas” list.

It struck me like a brick to the head last night while watching my son’s last basketball game of the season. Sitting for over two hours my butt was numb from the hard wooden bleachers and I felt my energy dwindling by the minute. The game got a late start which set the tone for my mood that evening. I kept checking the time; getting antsier by the minute. I should be home getting things ready; checking the items off my list was all I could keep thinking about.

And, then it happened again. Another mom sitting close by leaned over and whispered, “Are you all ready for Christmas?” It took me minute to gather myself away from my pity party before I could answer her. I again responded, “No, and actually that’s what I was just thinking about.”

I was forced to snap out of it when I noticed the score was tied with only minutes left in the game. We scored, and then they scored. We got a free throw, and then they got a free throw. It was all very exciting as the game went into overtime. The boys played tough. It was a great game even though the scored resulted in a loss by 2 buckets. Not even mentioning the loss, my son was beaming; smiling from ear to ear so proud of the 7 points he had scored. What an inspiring attitude he has.

As we drove home I was still thinking about everything I have to accomplish in a matter of days. But what if I didn’t get it all done. What’s the worse that could happen? Would it be so bad if my house wasn’t all decked out with Christmas décor? Is it the end of the world if I opt for gift bags over precision wrapped presents complete with a coordinating floofy (no, that’s not a typo…floofy is a very technical term which means not quite fluffy, yet not poufy) bow?

So what does it really take to be ready for Christmas? I’m beginning to rethink my answer to that question. After all, if God wants to send his Son…. “Yes, of course I’m ready!”

Jenny,
Sister of Soul

Soulspiration of the Week:

"For onto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9: 6

Giving Thanks

My sisters and I are busy preparing for this week’s Thanksgiving holiday, which has a significant meaning to us. It might surprise you to know that we are actual descendants of the first Pilgrims who joined the Wampanoag people at Plymouth for the harvest celebration we now know as Thanksgiving.

Yes, Francis Cooke and his son John (you can Google them if you like), are our relatives from way back. They came across on the Mayflower, leaving Portsmouth, England in September of 1620. After several storms and close calls they anchored at Cape Cod on November 11.

It wasn’t until the next year that the first Thanksgiving was celebrated. It was a hard year and nearly half of the Pilgrims had died. Thanks to the local Indians, and their ability to speak some English, peace and trade treaties were established and special guidance was offered by the Wampanoag regarding the ways of the land.

In early autumn 1621 the 53 surviving Pilgrims held a celebration, which today we refer to as the first Thanksgiving, to show gratitude for their bounty. The local Indians attended and the event lasted three days.

I don’t mean for this blog post to be a history lesson. Dates and figures aside, the story of the Pilgrims and the first Thanksgiving is inspiring.

First of course is in keeping with our theme for the month; gratitude. After enduring a horrendous journey across the ocean, a harsh winter of cold and disease, a land that at first glance may not have appeared as bounteous as they had envisioned, and the loss of many close friends, the Pilgrims were grateful. They saw through the hardships and thanked God for His many blessings.

And then there is the reason these people even considered leaving the security of their homeland to begin with. Enduring religious and political persecution became unacceptable to them. Instead of conforming or continuing their futile protests they chose a form of peaceful action. They would set out for a new land where they could live in alignment with their own values and beliefs. They become empowered! How many of us would do the same?

While hopefully not to the same degree, we often face similar adversity in our lives each day. How many times do we endure living out of alignment with our own values and beliefs because of the views of our work (or boss), church (or church leadership), friends, and family? Do we choose to take peaceful action and move on to our own new world? Do we choose to become empowered? Or do we instead conform to the popular views in an effort to keep the peace, or complain from under the radar? Hmmm, where might we be doing this very thing in our lives right now?

Thanksgiving…Yes I’m looking forward to the turkey and stuffing and a day off work to spend with family. And, of course I’m proud to be part of the Pilgrims’ brave and hardy lineage. The Thanksgiving story however is really one of gratitude and empowerment, and for that I give thanks.

Kim,
Sister of Soul

Soulspiration of the Week:
“Heap high the board with plenteous cheer and gather to the feast, and toast the sturdy Pilgrim band whose courage never ceased.” ~ Alice W. Brotherton